Cancel Culture, Amends, and Looking More Like Jesus

God has been doing some heart work in me lately.

Not the kind that feels good.

The kind that exposes pride, reveals hidden hurts, and gently asks, “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be more like Jesus?”

Recently, I had to do something that humbled me.

I sent an apology to three women I care about. Not because they apologized first. Not because they even knew how deeply I had been hurt.

I apologized because of how I responded to my hurt.

After seeing pictures from a weekend trip I wasn’t a part of and reading a Facebook post that referenced, “A cord of three strands is not easily broken,” my heart broke. Whether they intended it or not, I felt left out, forgotten, and replaced.

Instead of taking my hurt to God first, I reacted. I unfriended all three of them on Facebook.

At the time, I told myself I was protecting my heart. But as I prayed, God showed me something I didn’t want to see.I wasn’t protecting my heart.

I was protecting my pride. That realization stung.

The Holy Spirit gently convicted me that my response looked more like the culture than it looked like Christ.

Today, it seems normal to cut people off. We cancel people over hurt feelings, misunderstandings, disagreements, broken trust, unmet expectations, and disappointments. We call it protecting our peace, but sometimes it’s simply unresolved pain wearing a different name.

As followers of Jesus, we’re called to something different.

Jesus corrected people.

He forgave people.

He restored people.

He loved people.

He made room for repentance.

He didn’t build His ministry by canceling people. He built it by redeeming them.

So I knew I needed to make amends.

Making amends is humbling because it requires us to lay down our pride and own our part, even when someone else’s actions contributed to our pain. It doesn’t erase what hurt us. It simply says, “I want my response to honor Christ.”

Please hear my heart on this.

I am not saying we should stay in abusive relationships or refuse healthy boundaries.

I stayed in an abusive marriage for over twenty years. I know what it feels like to live in fear. I know what it’s like to wonder if leaving is even possible because you’re not sure the other person will let you go.

Abuse is not love.

Abuse is not God’s design.

Leaving an abusive situation isn’t participating in “cancel culture.” It’s choosing safety, wisdom, and truth. God never asks us to remain where we are being harmed.

But there is a difference between establishing godly boundaries for safety and cutting people off because we’ve been offended.

The enemy loves offense because offense often leads to division.

Division destroys friendships.

It divides families.

It weakens churches.

It keeps believers from reflecting the love of Christ to a watching world.

One of Satan’s greatest victories is convincing us that walking away is always easier than working toward reconciliation.

Not every relationship can or should be restored. Reconciliation requires willingness on both sides, and sometimes trust cannot be rebuilt. But as believers, we are still responsible for our own hearts.

We’re responsible for forgiving.

We’re responsible for making amends when we’ve sinned.

We’re responsible for leaving the outcome in God’s hands.

I don’t know what these friendships will look like moving forward.

Maybe they’ll grow stronger.

Maybe they’ll simply become peaceful acquaintances.

Either way, I know I was called to obedience.

God has been teaching me that spiritual maturity isn’t measured by how little we’re hurt.

It’s measured by how much we look like Jesus when we are.

I’m still learning.

Sometimes I react before I pray. Sometimes my emotions speak louder than my faith. But every time God convicts me, I have a choice: defend myself or let Him transform me. I want transformation.

My prayer is simple: Lord, keep my heart soft. Teach me to forgive quickly. Teach me to love deeply. Give me wisdom to know when to establish healthy boundaries and courage to pursue reconciliation whenever it honors You.

Don’t let me look more like this world. Make me look more like Jesus. 

Because at the end of the day, I’d rather be known for extending grace than withholding it. I’d rather build bridges than burn them. I’d rather make amends than make excuses. And above all else, I’d rather look more like Jesus.

A Challenge - before you move on, ask yourself:

• Is there someone I’ve canceled in my heart?

  • Not someone who is abusive or unsafe, but someone I’ve cut off because of hurt, disappointment, or offense.

• Ask the Holy Spirit to search your heart. Is there someone you need to forgive? Someone you need to apologize to? Someone you need to release to God?

  • Obedience doesn’t always restore a relationship, but it will always transform your heart.

Lord, help us look more like Jesus than the world. Amen.

Love,

Tricia