What Are You Still Carrying?

What judgment, anger, unforgiveness, or self-promoted righteousness are you still holding onto?

It’s a question the Lord has been asking me. And if I’m honest… It’s one I’ve had to answer with tears. The past few months have changed me.

Four months ago, I said goodbye to my precious mom.

Then, on July 12th, I almost lost my husband, my kingdom babe, Roy Paul, to a heart attack.

When you’ve stood at the edge of losing the people you love most, your perspective changes.

Suddenly, the things you thought mattered…don’t.

The arguments.

The offenses.

The need to be understood.

The desire to prove you were right.

The bitterness you’ve justified because someone truly did hurt you. It all begins to lose its grip.

As I sat with the Lord after these life-altering moments, He gently brought me back to His Word.

“In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”

— Ephesians 4:26–27

I realized something that was difficult to admit.

I was still carrying unforgiveness. Not because I hadn’t tried to forgive. I had. Over and over again.

I would lay it at Jesus’ feet… Only to quietly pick it back up again.

Why?

Because the people who had caused hurt didn’t seem to see the damage they were leaving behind.

Sometimes I would hear another story. Another person wounded. Another family hurting. And every new story stirred up the old ones in my own heart.

I wanted to defend the wounded.

I wanted to expose the wrong.

I wanted justice.

If I’m being completely transparent… Sometimes I even wanted to play God. But the Holy Spirit lovingly reminded me…

That position is already filled.

Justice belongs to Him.

“Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”

— Romans 12:19

I realized I wasn’t just holding onto unforgiveness.

I was holding onto something much more subtle.

Self-righteousness.

Somewhere along the way, I had quietly believed that because I saw the wrong so clearly, it somehow became my responsibility to fix it.

To expose it.

To make sure people understood.

To protect everyone.

But that’s not my assignment. My assignment is obedience. God’s assignment is justice.Those are two very different things. I’ve also realized something else.

Unforgiveness doesn’t just keep us chained to the people who hurt us.

It quietly convinces us that our peace depends on their repentance.

But Jesus never said our freedom would come when someone finally apologized.

Our freedom comes when we surrender.

Again.

And again.

And again.

Forgiveness is rarely a one-time decision.

Sometimes it’s a daily act of worship.

Sometimes it’s laying the same burden at the feet of Jesus every morning until one day you realize you no longer feel the need to pick it back up.

Jesus modeled this so beautifully.

Hanging on a cross, beaten and rejected by the very people He came to save, He prayed,

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

— Luke 23:34

If Jesus could extend mercy from a cross… Surely I can extend forgiveness from my living room.

Friend…

Maybe you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Maybe someone betrayed you.

Maybe they lied.

Manipulated.

Rejected.

Maybe they continue hurting people.

Maybe they haven’t apologized.

Maybe they never will.

Can I gently encourage you today?

Let it go.

Not because they deserve it. But because Jesus has already carried the weight of justice.

Trust your Father with what only He can do.

Pray for those who have wounded you.

Bless those who have spoken against you.

Release them into God’s hands.

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger… Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

— Ephesians 4:31–32

Forgiveness does not excuse sin.

It simply refuses to carry a burden that belongs to God.

And here’s what I’ve learned…

Life is far too fragile to spend it keeping score.

Losing my mom reminded me how precious every moment is.

Almost losing Roy Paul reminded me how quickly everything can change.

None of us are promised tomorrow.

So why waste today carrying yesterday?

Today, I’m choosing freedom. Not because everyone has changed. But because Jesus is changing me.

I’m laying down my judgment.

I’m laying down my anger.

I’m laying down my need to be right.

I’m laying down my self-promoted righteousness.

And I’m trusting the only righteous Judge to do what He has always done perfectly.

If you’re carrying something heavy today…

Lay it down.

Leave it there.

And when you’re tempted to pick it back up tomorrow…

Lay it down again.

One day, you’ll realize your hands are finally free, not because others changed, but because Christ healed your heart.

“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” — 1 Peter 5:7

Lord, help us release what was never ours to carry. Teach us to trust You with justice, to walk in forgiveness, and to love as You have loved us. In the Name above all Names Jesus, Amen.

Love, 

Tricia